Brainwaves

i've finally come to find out who i must have been in my previous life..mohammad bin tughlaq..

i'll tell u why..poor chap was the unluckiest man alive..whatever he tried to do..wharever he put his hand in,even for good, always backfired..

example???
the year he imposed taxes on rich fertile lands..the same year there ws a famine..poor guy,ulta khud paise dene pade,tax ka daana b nhi mila..tough luck!!

me:the year i decided to give competitive exams..the same year negative marking ws introduced..
gaaah!!

there are many more stupid similarities)i'd rather stay away frm humiliatin details)..so m fully confirmed,mera aur tughlaq ka pakka koi connection hai..

historians have said this about tughlaq"he tumbled into life and tumbled out of it"

owww...grrrr...i knw im tumbling around..i go out of my way to help people..bt then it turns out so badly that i end up banging my head to the wall..

toh mera mere blog padhne waalo se savinay nivedan yeh hai ki..mere kisi shabdon dwaara aapki bhaavnaao ko agar thes pahunchti ho..

toh main kuch nai kr sakti..because i'm tughlaq's reincarnation..main aisi hi hu..

bt this post is mainly fr the people who dont read my blog..cz if by any chance i cross ur path..n bad things happen to u..ye post meri patli gali hai jisse main sarak sakti hu..

it is another crappy mail i knw..koi sir pair nhi hai..bt so wat ..at least m posting..

i'd end on a happy note...smbody made a whole city in the name of MOHD. BIN TUGHLAQ...isnt dat great..???see that gives me hope..ki kabhi na kabhi..kuch toh accha hoga hi..

moral of the story:every Dog has a day..and the cat has nine lives..
and THEN there are humans..go figure!

I was a crappy teacher!!

dnt ask me wat reminded me of this..and i've kept my blog pretty free of poopy stuff..but it kept me in bouts of laughter..

last to last year i was puttin up in a Pg wid two grls who were frm an arts background..so one day i was tellin them about Newton'n law of gravitation...of course they would hv known it..bt u see i wanted them to never forget what it was..

so my question to them was:

"when ur sittin on a pot,y does ur shit always go down ...??"

hehehe..o boy...they were so dumbfounded..

and asked

"u mean it might come up???"

hahahhahahaha...i was laughin helplessly at their stunned faces..bt i cud see they were givin it to my laughter..

"and that my friends...Is the miracle of Gravitation"

yeah i knw..im a crappy teacher...but im sure they are never ever gonna forget NEWTON and his Gravity:) :) :)

P.S.Miss u Khubbu n paddy..we sure had loads of fun..all m left wid are these crappy memories..to make me smile..

On a serious note: Is President's rule an answer to all??

WARNING:The following aricle contains several elements of POLITICS.Large doses maY lead to severe heartburn and indigestion.Advisory only for the patients suffering from POLITICAL SENSITIZATION.


Pertaining to the news item "Orissa's inaction a violation:Patil" on the front page of THE HINDU,I was once again drawn back to all the times during this year,there has been a need to impose a Presidential Rule in various states of The Indian Union.It started with Karnataka,followed up to Nagaland.Then it was Jammu n Kashmir.Now,its Orissa.

Am i fantasizing myself,or are these incidents progressively on rise here.Because,be it failure of State machinery in Karnataka,or the increasing incidents of atrocities on the Christians of Orissa and other places in India;all these are indicative of the impotency of the state Governments concerned.They demand more and more military support from the centre but tend to handle these topics in such an amateurish way that it sings my ears.Take for example,Orissa.Few days ago,i read about Gang rape of a christian nun,which the next day was confirmed medically.Moreover,all this time,there has been violation of the Churches in a sickening manner to go alongwith.Meanwhile the state government sits like a dud,with hands raised up in the air,letting the trouble makers molest them unaccountably.

And thus here comes the warning,from the centre.

"either do something about it,or stop all this from coming into the news.otherwise b ready for PRESIDENTIAL RULE"

Because with due thanks to our multi-party system,the opposition would create such an issue out of this that the current UPA government would b left hanging in dire straits.And the poor people who have been wronged in all this commotion:that nun,the priests,the churches.They would be used as nothing but pawns in the hands of the opposition to sway the sympathies of our COMMON,their way.

So i ask them.Are u all blind to see what actually is happening???

Between ur party wars,and petty vote bank politics,you have shut your eyes to ur nose,which lies so plainly on ur face??

Dont u see,all these bomb blasts,in India as well in pakistan.All this trouble,now against the Christians,then Muslims being identified as bomb planters.And us implementing Presidential rules,with Opposition like BJP,crying out for a Hindu state;makes us nothin but putty in hands of the masterminds behind all these grotesque incidences.

Dont u see,that all this is done to hamper the Secularism of the state which we were so proud of.This is nothing but DIVIDE and RULE again.What with Maoists forming government in Nepal,the LTTE so active on the southern shores,and Pakistani ISI more a foe than a friend on western front;whatever is happening,is nothing BUT justified.

So go on..Implement Prez rule on one state after the next.Collect pieces of bodies AFTER the bomb blasts.But dont think of mitigating all this before hand.Because if u do,there will b peace again,and how would the opposition like it then,huh??

When would u understand,that now is the best time,to unite against the common enemy,TERRORISM.To b a Nationalist first,and a party member later.Stop making our own people fight against each other.

And if the Presidential rule can do all this..then bring it on!

NEWSPAPERS CAN B FUN!

I was goin through the newspaper..and after reading the frst page..i shifted to the back one..thats my favourite way of readin news..i look inside mch later...and i came across this really hilarious piece of news...

The Ignoble prizes:

1.David Sims of Cass business school in London was awarded Ig NOBLE prize for literature,for research into THE DIFFERENT BREED OF UNPLEASANT CHARACHTER ONE MIGHT ENCOUTER in a workplace.

2.Charles Spence,professor of psychology at Oxford was awarded the IGNOBLE prize for nutrition..who proved that stale crisps taste better when eaten to an accompaniment of crunchy sounds.

3.Dan Ariety at Duke university in north Carolina was awarded The IGNOBLE prize for medicine..for a landmark study proving that costly medicine are more effective than cheap ones..

4.People of Switzerland claimed the IGNOBLE peace prize for adopting the legal principle that PLANTS HAVE DIGNITY..

5.Geoffery miller at the university of NEW mexico won the economic prize..for showing lap dancers recieved more in tips WHEN THEY WERE OVULATING.

6.Scientists in San Diego who showed that HAIR,STRING AND ALMOST ANYTHIG ELSE WILL BECOME ENTANGLED GIVEN A CHANCE,earned themselves the award for PHYSICS

7.Marie Christine CADIERGUES won the prize for BIoLOGY,by proving that FLEAS ON DOGS JUMP HIGHER THAN THOSE ON CATS.

This piece of news is for all of us who think that newspaper have nothing new to offer these days;)

A tashte of India

okkay..so dis is my cousin and his frens dooin fulltoo masti on a trip ...its difficlt to point out wich one he is..bt the one who's holdin the cam in the dhaba is the one...
yenjoyyy!!

10 things i hate about you nallu

1.i hate the way u always complement me,no matter how much i criticize u.

2.i hate that u always know when something is wrong with me.

3.i hate the way u bring out my tears whenever i meet u after a long time.

4.i hate the way u just sit and listen to me patiently when m barking my head out at u.

5.i hate the way u make me feel so so guilty after a fight,and make me run to u.

6.i hate the way u make me dance like a woman posessed.

7.i hate that u know and understand every thing i feel

8.i hate this need to talk to u whenever anything happens,good or bad.

9.i hate that u are so far apart n still manage to make me cry now.

10.and hate hate hate that i miss u so much..that i feel so incomplete without you..that u are the only one who knows everything about me..that without u i feel n arm and leg missing...
and i hate that bus driver who was right "what the hell would i do without u if i ever get married??"and that saleem saloon owner who said to u "ur friend cant bear to lo live without u a second???"

i hate it all...

PS..this is nell..aint she beeeeeeyuuuutifullll???

Ode to the 'bai'

When in the morning the kaamwaali bai asked me.."beta school ki chhutiyaan hain??" dat ws her indirect way of askin me what the hell m doin these days always at home...
i cant say hw extremely elated i felt..teeheeeeheee..

c'mon at least SOMEONE mistakenly thought i ws in school..whos to tell her i've finished college even

moreover..have been so worried about all this growing up process and being responsible lately..

i ws always a skinny grl,and people assumed me 2 b in a lesser grade than i usually ws..i looked young..bt nw,all this increase in my weight,on a grl of my frame,dats 5'6"...i think i look lyk a giant(not dat i really look lyk one,dats my FEELINGS entirely)

and all this had been giving me worrying lines underneath my eyes..hmmmmpppfff!

bt not today...ooh i love this feeling..i now know why older women always tell their wrong age..the youth will always b a wonderful time..we will always miss these glorious dayzz...at least i would..

and i had experienced this same feeling,like last year,when a boy had stopped me on the road and recited his heart to me...mmmfffmmmfff..(dis is my muffled laugh)..

i had stopped his recital midway and asked"what exactly do u do??"(he really did look young)

and he replied"i study,m in frst year of college"

oww c'mon

and then i told him"look boy,i've cmpleted my grad ages ago..m old enuff to b ur mom,get losst"

he had luked at me wid so mch disbelief and bewilderment!!hahahaha

ohh...so let me gloat today..

and dear kaamwaali aunty

"yu made my day;)"

my feelings exactlyyyy!!

This is a follow up to the world of pink fluffy clouds;)







I was nurtured I was sheltered
I was curious and young
I was searching for that something
Trying to find it on the run
Oh and just when I stopped looking
I saw just how far I'd come
In this life
In this life

You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything that's been happening
I've opened up my eyes
Following
Three steps fight an honest fight
Two hearts that can start a fire
One love is all I need
In this life

I have faltered I have stumbled
I have found my feet again
I've been angry I've been shaken
Found a new place to begin
My persistence to make a difference
Has led me safe into your hands
In this life
In this life

You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything that's been happening
I've opened up my eyes
Following
Three steps fight an honest fight
Two hearts that can start a fire
One love is all I need
In this life

I was put here for a reason
I was born into this world
And I'm living and I'm believing
I was meant to be your girl
In this life

You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything that's been happening
I've opened up my eyes
Following
Three steps fight an honest fight
Two hearts that can start a fire
One love is all I need
In this life

The world of pink furry fluffy clouds!!

sometimes i wonder if its jst me whos this hopelessly crazy about a fairytale life or is there other people out there like me too.who believe in sch things as true love and happily ever after.not dat i need many bt i jst wish there ws some1 out there who wud know wat it feels like to b a part of this cynical reality,this hope against hope dat soulmates exist and dat i will find mine in this lifetime.

because i jst knw dat i cant live with pretence,because i think dat is what i hv been doing my whole life.i hv pretended to b a perfect daughter,a perfect friend,a perfect student..but deep down i knw its all a farce.i havnt been perfect at all...maybe everything i ever wanted was something what they wanted,my family,my friends..i wud devise new ways to please them.bt as i grew older,the desire to please lessened,and i turned into me.someone who could easily break hearts,ignore tears,tell lies without the bash of an eye...some kind of a monster woman..brash,unkind,uncaring..

bt i think thats what life does 2 u..it teaches u how to live...it teaches u to take ur head out of the furry pink clouds and see hw everyone is out there to use yu,a little slip and u can fall headlong..so a hopeless romantic like me is unleashed onto a world like this and what do u get...as the sayin goes'when in rome..and blah blah'.

and nw m on this planet where all u get to knw while growin up is how to slit the throat of the person sittin next to u,cuz by God,its competition..and hw to make friends and leave them at the altar of ur career,cuz its wat they'd do 2 u anyway..and how to catch the right guy who'd better b a good husband material,and if not,he shud b carrying shitloads of money.WTF!!!

and i'd b damned if i care about all dat..i could never choose a friend for me,or as a matter of fact a guy..they jst came along and stuck..and got unstuck and rolled away..and sometyms,when they stuck for too long,i had to distance myself...all for my career..i needed to b focussed,they made me look at the fun side of life,and then thats is all pink furry clouds again!!we cant have that can we???

so i turned out to b this multi faceted personality who is jst whiffs away frm madness...my friends notice in me an occasional outburst of friendliness,love,warmth...and at other times,im as away frm their lives as i might never hv been there!!!and at those moments of hiding in my shell,i prepare myself to go again in that ugly masked world...

and im all well till i talk to my pals again.who are the epitomes of GOD i think,they turn me back into the frizzy jello-kinds mushed up grl who thinks life is full of pink furry fluffy clouds...

and with my head in those clouds i find everything beautiful..

my life gets alight with the beautiful moments i share with each n everyone of them,even if they are complainin or scolding me for disappearing,its nice,it shows they care.
and it makes me believe in fairytales and happily ever after again...

so here im thinkin of exactly the same thing with sucha random chain of thoughts,being crazy enough to even write about that.

i suppose its tym to go back into d shell again,its too much mush for nw..

in the end i want to thank my Gods,who make me believe in being happy

nallu-i love u grl.if i were a guy,i'd hv definitely married u!i dnt think i can find myself someone better,or even lyk u.i miss u sweetheart.

chotu-i no u'll cmplain dat i had d tym to write on dis stupid blog than call u,bt i had to.to say dat i miss u.miss our fights,and fights and fights.i think u get d idea;)

goldy-i had been sucha bad frend leavin u like dat,bt u were there for me wen i needed smone badly.and nw as its sch a joyous time of your life,i wish u all the happiness in the world.

and pallu-i knw we've recently found one another bt i feel like i've known u all my life.thanx for being such a wonderful person that u are.

all of u have in some way touched my soul,and made me find beauty in this ugly world.knwing u guys,i've found God,and the faith that i will find true love.but i will need ur blessings for that;)

Out of hibernation mode!

hmm i wudn exactly call it hibernation,but wud term it as an isolation from all the gadgets of my life-referring to my laptop,internet,cellphone.i thot i'd revrted to sainthood,renouncing all these worldly pleasures.embark upon all that the deadly electricity cuts we are havin here..there was renouncement of a.c.,microwave,television as well.and wen the inverter went beep blop bzz..there went the lights and the fans too...well so this is how people used to live in the ancient dayz...i tried to imagine what they did the whole entire 24 hours of the day!!!!

no,i left it at dat..u seem to lose all imagination when ur dying of heat..so i tried to live through my sainthood with things i love the best..books!!!
heres a list:

1.catcher in the rye- a qoute 'I swear sometimes I think I'm crazy,surrounded by these goddam princesmaking out like life's perfect and all.That kills me.'
i loved it..and it killed me too.

2.english as a second language-a breezy novel about a girl who sets off to persue a masters course in english just to show her ex.a light read,cute and funny..and terribly girly..oooh hibernation is lovely

3.the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy-thanx to pallu,i decided to read this mindboggling book of infinite surprises..hilariously crazy..okay,i think douglas adams is the smartestass in the universe,even smarter than the mice!!;)

4.i even read an M&B's novel..dat shows the heights of my desperation..i think sainthood is for the saints,regretfully,m not one!!...no m too embarassed to name the book..skip to the next one

5.ok its name was the bloody love-child watsoever!!

6.and then i found brida..someone who's a paulo coehlo fan like me wud luv it..so naturally i did..

by then my madness was subsiding and i was casually being smitten into the present digital gatget world...so i watched a couple of movies..still no contact with the outside world..my forest can have a video with sum books cant it?

1.The persuit of happyness-this movie is definitely going as my favourite after forrest gump...its just beautiful.and will smith is brilliant in this movie,especially since his son is in there wid him too.no more words.simply beautiful.

2.johnny english-ok if ur a mr bean fan u'll love this flick..and its a perfect one to watch with a sibling,especially mine...hehe..we were laughing so hard by the end of it(though we have already seen this b4,still it manages to make us laugh)..so if ur younger one is as notorious as mine..this is one u could watch.

3.penelope-cute movie,a fairytale story.nice time pass.a girl who is born with the snout of pig is lookin for the true love that would break the curse and she'd turn normal.

so dats it..here i m again,snugglin up to my lappie..writin happily in the luxury of these gadgets i have come to love..but mind u a break now and then seems necessary..i would really like to go to a forest for reclaiming my life sometime in a car(modern gadget!)..and then i'd love to shoot pictures of the rising sun,the leaves,the grass,the monkeys,the flowers,all with the latest digi-cam(modern gadget!)...ok,i admit,im a techno-crazy lass...y invented the technology if u cant stay with it..have to bear the brunt of these inventions now(gladly,sigh!)

Two beatiful movies back to back

The lake house
starring keanu reaves and sandra bullock its the cast of speed reincarnated only in a touchin love story that u dnt wanna miss.i started watchin it out boredom but as the movie progressed i liked it so mch dat i felt lyk writin about it.but sincerely i wanna ask the storywriter 'where the heck did u get the idea'.i mean we hav seen movies based in the future,but who'd have thought of makin a person fall in love with someone from the immediate future,dat being 2 years hence.and through the classic stance of love letters they could exchange at the lake house.makes you wanna believe so mch in the possibility of true and real love.this fantastic love story has plenty of b'ful moments.here are my top 5:
1.the scene where she wishes to see the trees that had been near the lake house,in a letter to him.and he plants one in front of her apartment building in his time,i.e. 2 yrs ago.and lo!the tree just appears full and flourishin in front of her as she's returnin to her building.fantastic!
2.when she kisses a stranger(that being him of course),at his time, but he knws her and has already fallen for her.
3.when she's writing him to call her at the exact tym she was writing the letter and as soon as she writes those words,her phone rings!
4.when they are standin in front of the mail box,both in their respective times and they exchange letters with each other.
5.their walk together,both through the same route but different times and she mentions at the end dat she jst wished she cud've been with him and then she sees a wall on which there is a graffiti sayin 'i'm always with you'
not to mention i loved the doggie,named jack,though its a 'she'.and the ending where i was desperately wishin for him nt to die..well this aint a spoiler.so u hav to find it out whether he dies or nt.
so its a must watch.do watch the flick and temme ur best moments of it.and if u'v already watched,i'd lyk to hear ur version too.


serendipity
well,i've been meanin to watch it since long and after 'lake house' i was in a goooood mood so decided to check this out as well.and mind u.pls dnt watch these two movies together.b'cause both are absolutely beautiful in their own way.its just dat after lake house,serendipity appeared a little 'too obvious'.another regular romantic story whose bits and pieces u've already watched in some copied hindi ones.just lyk that ten rupee note scene.its the same one as in that emraan hashmi and diya mirza starrer'tumsa nahi dekha(yeah,yeah,i've seen this movie too)
its about two strangers(cusock and kate beckinsale) meeting by chance and leaving it on fate to meet again.they fall headlong in love bt both hav cmmitments.so years later when both are on the verge of gettin married and still cannot forget that moment of serendipity(which by either way means 'fortunate accident') shared with the prefect stranger go in search of their destiny again.pretty,funny and romantic.almost in the league of 'when harry met sally' and the likes.i cnt tell u my favourite moments cuz i was still hung over by the lake house.i'm sure u can temme urs.
so if ur are the romantic movie types,who love these classic stances,i hope u havnt missed this one.

Latest dish on the block

yeah yeah im talkin about ranbir kapoor.actually i jusst watched the latest movie 'bachna ae haseeno' and likewise i had to write about it..just a memoir of how i felt the frst tym i watched the movie.for all those who are readin this be4 watchin d movie,i suggest dat its a nice watch,not much unforgettable or memorable as stuff,but well movie fads like me like such flicks(c'mon i like all movies)..so a nice romantic movie..with all the usual masala and some memorable moments frm ddlj revisited,u get the idea???and a sweet and adorable cassanova aka ranbir 'the killer'.add a dash of cute minnisha lamba,sultry bipasha and gorgeous dipika.well!i'd have bought that gold ticket to jsst c 'em 2gether.and if in fact ur thinkin it'd b lyk shahid's flop(god,i dnt even remember its name)the one with soha ali,tulip joshi and ayesha takia..well nthin's in common except the fact dat there are 3 gals and one guy and the one he meets last iz the one 4 him..and really i din even feel lyk there are so many new comers in this one.RB acts lyk a real pro(i'll hv to watch saawariya nw) and c'mon if u hv seen OSO then u must hv been bedazzled by deepiks as well...i dnno y she never thot of participating in Miss India,she wud've surely brought us the crown,miss universe of course.

And it iz bipasha's year,after race she's out to leave u breathless.she's the one who's the most experienced actress among them..i thot she'd luk older than rb,but then it din matter on the screen.i felt sooo bad wen she cries lyk that on the stairs in her weddin dress and rain comes..such b'ful picturisation.
apart from the title song,u dnt get to c the three divas together in the whole picture.anyhw the story goes that rb meets three loves of his life one by one but the one he meets last is the real one who dumps him.he realises his mistake and sets off for forgiveness frm the other two,whom he had left heartbroken.simple na.but it isnt easy to just go back and say sorry,and he has to learn dat.i thot the movie shud've ended with the interval,he has already met al 3 by then,and 3 hours is a long tym to sit and watch..but it kept on after dat as well.too many songs,and after intermission,3 songs almost come back to back.that shud've been avoided.anyhw,stupid ppl din consult me b4 release,i might've told 'em a few ground rules...the boys who sat in the row behind us were demandin a 'remote control' to forward them.and anyways they kept us entertained,i've no qualms.i think they'll all fly to australia this very minute in hope of finding sucha a b'ful taxi driver there like deepika..but wait a minute,can u even imagine,immmmagine,deepika as a taxi driver..she looks toooo glamourous to b 1.that ws a bit hard on my eye.of course cuz m a grl.no guy wud mind;)
all in all a good muvi.at least my taste is revived,i was left with a bitter one after kismat connection..lets nt even talk about dat one!!
and the new hearthrob gets 2 kiss all three of them,yes yes,he does.bollywood is really goin bersek with this kissin stuff. and m sure john wud'v minded.huh!
go watch and do cmment...i really dnt like to add posts without u ppl tellin me wat u think.

samander kinare ek ladki(revisited)

samander kinare ek ladki

nariyal pani bechte hue

zor zor se awaaz laga rahi hai!

uske saath ek bhelpuri wali

baithi gaana ga rahi hai!

bhel aur nariyal pani ki taraf

meri nazar khichti chali ja rahi hai

aisa laga ki vo mujhe hi bula rahi hai


yun toh humara paav bhaji ka thela hai
na jaane fir bhi ye dil kyun akela hai'
subah shaam in dono ko dekhkar
man mein jazbaaton ka lagta mela hai

kabhi milti hain bus ishtop pe
kabhi saaikal pe aati hain
haye ye ladkiyaan
mujhe itna kyun lubhaati hain

jee karta hai bhel waali se biah ki baat karu
par nariyal paani wali ki cheekhein humein uski oar le jaati hain

woh maraa gubbare waala
roz unse gappe ladaata hai
tab humare jigar pe ek saanp sa loat jaata hai

woh roh hum is thele se bandhe hain
warna usse thik karna humein bhi aata hai

ab toh amma baba se kehkar riste ki baat chalaaun
apna toh bijnes set hai bhaiya,ab biwi bhi le aaun
jaat paat ka humko kuch nai
bas ladki man ko bhaaye
dahej vahej hum nahi lete
ek jode mein hi aaye

chalo bhaiya ho gai aapki ek plate tayyar
das rupaye ki ek hai,aur chhutte dena yaar
khao jra,tab tak hum unka mobaail number leke aate hain
aur aaj raat hi frendsip krke unke dil mein jagah banaate hain

another one!

y

Pond Whales

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“What the Whale!?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pond Whales

Pond Whales are the second smallest whales known to exist (the smallest being Queen Latifah). Some critics claim that Pond Whales are really just dolphins, but if they were dolphins, they would have been called Pond Dolphins. Those critics, they're always criticizing and complaining and don't know anything about this stuff, because I've been doing this a lot longer than them, and I know what the hell I'm talking about.

Anyway, it's just a matter of a name. You call it a dolphin, I call it a Pond Whale. So there. These animals are so dumb that they don't even know what their names are anyway, so who gives a crap?

Like the name implies, Pond Whales are miniature whales that live in ponds. They were first officially discovered by an elite team of pond biologists in 1958, but the discovery was rejected by the scientific community as "communist propaganda". Discovery Kids is by many considered the first to officially discover the whales, after they did a special on them or something. They found a whale that had been beached on the sand and took it to their swimming pool, only to find that they had none, so they put it in a pond and it had many babies. And one was ugly. And the other Pond Whales teased the ugly whale. But one day the ugly pond whale grew into a beautiful swan! Hurray! My father told me this story every night before he went downstairs and hit Mommy, and every word of it is true. Every word.

Bad news though: the beached whale died after giving babies. Turns out the pond contained fresh water and not salt water. Uh-oh spaghetti-o's

The most non-sense of all !!!!

The One Little Wolf and the Big Bad Mafia Pigs
by Joe Dafro (ZTB)

The One Little Wolf and the Big Bad Mafia Pigs is an autobiography written by former Mafia informant Joe Dafro describing his life in the New York underworld and rewritten in the form of the classic fairy tale The Three Little Pigs.

[edit] Prologue

The Little Wolf was strolling down the sidewalk, humming and singing in tune with the little birds and animals that so conveniently donned the hyperbolic happy scene. All was right with the world and best of all; The Little Wolf was going to bring a basket of goodies to his old granny in the Happy Meadows Retirement Home. Little did The Little Wolf know, all this good was about to change. Most decent parents teach their children to not go walking in the woods alone, all by yourself - but, The Little Wolf, unfortunately, was taught otherwise. His parents had always said, “Oh, son, its fine! You’re at the top of the Food Chain, remember?” and, “Now, Wolfie, what did I say to you about doing your homework? Go outside, and walk around in the uncharted wilderness.” Yes, very tragic. For, you see, The Little Wolf was a very harmless creature. He wasn’t a nerd by any means, of course, what with his chess tournament trophies and cleanest pocket protector awards. Why, he was a regular stud! But it wasn’t until today, that The Little Wolf’s real ability was tested.

[edit] Ch 1 The Beginning

While The Little Wolf was walking down the cheerful lane, a trio of miscreants waited in the distant bushes, waiting for a gullible geek or hobo to walk down with some cool shit to steal. This day they were lucky; they had found a mixture of both! Six bleary eyes watched the Little Wolf as he came closer and closer. With ease, the Big Bad Pigs pounced out of the bushes right in front of The Little Wolf. One said, “Gives us all yur monies!” The other, better educated pig said in a gentlemanly fashion, “I do say, old bean, it would be a terrible shame if you weren’t so kind to give us your wallet. If you don’t hand it over, we might resort to violence and all manner of unrealishable activities, eh wot?” The final and more level-headed of the Big Bad Pigs said, “Look, buddy, just give us what’s in the basket and no one gets hurt, alright?” The Little Wolf stared blankly at the pigs for a moment before replying awkwardly, “I’m sorry I can’t let you take what’s in here, it’s for my granny.” The British-bent pig said, “Aww! Well, ain’t that just the cutest bloody bloomin’ thing you ever have seen?” All three of the Pigs burst out in scorning laughter, not noticing the sly smile that spread across the wolf’s face. Then the first Pig said, “Be seriously, either give us that basket or we’ll make you give it to us, The Boss really said he needed it.” “Vinne, you moron! We weren’t supposed to talk about The Boss!” said the last Pig. The second Pig said, “Oh, dear. It seems we have said too much and now we need to ruff him up. Nothing personal, old chum, but we really must hurt you now.” The Pigs Drew closer to the Little Wolf, who the whole time was gripping something inside the basket. The Pigs drew pistols and began to draw even closer. The Little Wolf then quickly pulled out a smoke grenade and AK-47 and started to reign down upon The Pigs with a barrage of bullets. The Pigs ran off, screaming as they went: “You watch out! Now the mob is after you! The Boss is gonna take care of you!” and with that, The Pigs Vanished into the foliage.

[edit] Ch 2 Searching out The Pig Mafia

A few uninterrupted hours later, The Little Wolf had successfully delivered the basket of goodies to his granny and was on a computer researching the Pig Mafia. It turned out, he found that The Pig Mafia was actually a very notorious crime group that had plagued the innocent little animals of the town of Happy Meadows for a many years. He also found out that it was run by Billy Francisco Jebbadiah Wilkenhiemer van Jhenson, otherwise know as "Zed" or “The Boss”. Billy was about to give up researching when he saw a final line at the bottom of the page that said: “Questions or comments? Visit the Pig Mafia homepage at www.pigmafia.crimeorg or e-mail The Boss at BFJWvJhenson@secretcrimegroupsandrunescape.net ” This was obviously a lead. The Little Wolf clicked the link to the Pig Mafia homepage, which simultaneously took him to his desired destination and unleashed untold amounts of spam and computer viruses upon the innocent little public library computer. Billy quickly jotted down the address of the Pig Mafia’s Secret Hideout and left to hunt down the rapscallions who so dearly wished to ruin his perfect day. The Little Wolf decided to wait until midnight to infiltrate the Pig Mafia hideout simply for the sake of dramatic effect. When the town clock struck twelve, the Little Wolf picked the lock to the hideout and was inside. He crept down a hallway, sneaky as a silent fart, and found the door to The Boss’s office. While he was attempting to pick the lock to the door, it was thrust opened. The Little Wolf found himself staring into the angry face of the Boss.

[edit] Ch 3 Face-Off with The Boss

The Boss smoothly said, “I’ve been expecting you, little wolf.” “How do you know my name?!” asked The Little Wolf in a flabbergasted manner. The Boss replied, “I don’t, I just say that to everyone who comes to my door, who the heck are you?” “I,” said the Little Wolf, “am Archibald P. Wolf, and you sent your goons after me this morning. I’m here to kick you butt for ruining my perfect day!” “oh, is that so? Well, I won’t be coming quietly. You’ll have to duel me!!!” And, without further ado, they sprang at each other. The duel was on! The Boss quickly flipped out a rune skimmy, easily popping an eleven on The Little Wolf. Wolfie countered with a Spartan Laser attack and a bubble shield. Not one to be thwarted by such a simple adversary, The Boss started vigorously screaming the “Dora the Explorer” theme song and flailing his arms around wildly. The Little Wolf was so startled by this, that he jumped and hit the incandescent light fixture on the ceiling, causing an inconveniently placed bottle of gasoline to explode and render them both unconscious.

[edit] Ch 4 Forgiveness and First Aid

When The Little Wolf woke up, he was face up in a hospital bed, next to The Boss. They realized that they couldn’t attack each other, so they exchanged injuring glances and painful words like “poopy-sniffer” and “monkey-slapper”. When they became tired of the fruitless exercise, they both softened up and The Boss said, “I guess I’m kinda sorry that I sent hit men to rob and kill you.” “It’s okay,” said The Little Wolf, “I’m kinda sorry that I tried to hunt you down and kill you over the fact that you ruined my day.” “Friends?” asked The Boss. “Friends,” said The Little Wolf. And they both awkwardly tried to shake hands but were foiled by the fact that they were in full-body casts. Everything was happy, the town of Happy Meadows was free from a menace and Wolfie had finally made a friend. All was right with the world…until- haha, just kidding, the story’s over, I had you scared that there was more didn’t I?

THE END

(i accidently slipped on this site-uncyclopedia.org and what i found there is a sample presented here...stickler for pj's and mind boggling non-sense can roan around here.warning:unrated content might b present...i hope no one wants to kill me after readin this..hehe)

tayshteeeeee burgers at home

well i was experimenting with cooking,and found that i actually made something palatable..
these are easy to make and sinfully yummy..wanna try 'em out..here's my recipe:

Ingredients:
burger buns(4)
salad-sliced(cucumber,onion,tomatoes,lettuce)
vegetables for the tikki-potatoes-3,medium sized
1 carrot
few peas
some cauliflower
beans
mushrooms
Sauce:
cream
salt
black pepper
pizza topping
cheese spread

How to make:
1.
cut the salad as shown

2.
chop vegetables in small pieces.put them in a microwave bowl.add 1/4 cup water and some salt.keep it for 5 minutes at high.

3.after 5 minutes,take out the veggies,drain water and keep them aside
4.take the potatoes,put them in a polythene and microwave them for 4 minutes.
5.after 4 mins,take them out and peel their skins,they are ready to b mashed.
5.put them together with the veggies and mash them.add some bread(wet and pieces),cornflour..this will bind the mixture properly.add spices to taste.
6.roll out the mixture in ball shape.
7.now flatten them in shape of tikkis and shallow fry them in a pan.
8.they should b perfeclty brown from both sides when taken out.
9.now for the sauce:
mix the cream(4 large tablespoons)
and cheese(2 teaspoons)
put salt and pepper to taste
and add a teaspoon ful of pizza toppingyummmm

10.cut the bun in half
apply sauce on both the sides
put the salad on the lower bun
then put the tikki,again some salad,and cover it with the upper half.
you can put a cheese slice also if u like.

this is my mc veggie at home!
wondering where the fourth one went...that was consumed in the process..hehe..it looked nice yaar.

yu can take it with some french fries and a drink..cheers
do try it out!!m waitin 4 comments..

10 benefits of a manicure

1.finally the dirty hands are clean at last..
2.a hand massage is very very good,and soothing...
3.u learn a lesson never to hold hands with a female...see,it promotes straight-ism
4.it takes away that itch frm ur hand(that meant of course the money u were gonna pay for this)
5.u make perfect new friends with whom u can share everything without telling ur name.
6.u learn how to sleep in the most awkward position at the most inappropriate place..see thats something new.
7.guaranteed compliments at the finish(by the manicurer,but compliments none-the-less!!)
8.u get out of doin house work by sayin "hey!i just had a manicure"
9.its good pampering urself once in a while
1o.and lastly...a woman's beauty is measured by how well she takes care of her hands(yeah,yeah..i made that up..so what..at least i made the final point)

have u ever done something totally crazzzy??

the craziest things i've done in my life!

1.a bike ride with a stranger(brother of a fren's,droppin us home after a concert,but a stranger nonetheless) in the middle of the night...at a speed touchin 100kmph
2.practicing our play in a public park...and then hooting and teasing a guy!!!
3.stealing mangoes from the tree of a neighbour of frienz i'd been stayin with..i jumped roofs!!
4.beating a guy for stalkin our friend,at a market place!!!and then callin the police..people gathered as if there was a shootin goin on!
5.5 girlsss...shouting at the loudesttt...we had a suspicion that the landlords heard our talks...so we decided to giv 'em a surprissseeeeee!
6.singing 'happpppppy birdddday pappppeee' at 12 o' clock every nite...tormenting the landlords daughter(they were sardaars)
7.an aeroplane hug..every tym we met in college...that means every tym!
8.dancin and singin,playin antakshari,on the roof..in the rain..
9.makin parody songs..sittin at the last bench..and afterwords singin them to every girl in the class
10.standin over chairs kept on chairs to hoot in the jal concert!
11.nearly dislocated our heads...and lost our voices...and our minds..at the front row,in the rock idols concert!
12.chantin crazily at the rock satsang,art of living..and seeing our photo in the newspaper the next day!!
13.goin to a tourist spot...out of town...at seven in the evenin..on activas..just us girlss
14..watched 'julie' movie..10 girls occupyin the whole row..and hooting and laughin..
15.rollin together from the top of the grass mound downwards...in a park
16.ransackin a disc before its hours and dancin(just 4 of us)..and makin the dj get up frm his sleep and play us music!!!our frst and last tym to a disc:(
17.gettin dressed up as truck driver and his pregnant wife and havin a photoshoot!!!in our rooms of course..but the one who developed them..must hav died laughin..and then circulatin those pics in the whole clas durin a borin maths lecture!!!
18. being amitabh bacchan of kaun banega crorepati(that being me)...and playin kbc..askin stupidest question and saying..'haaaaaiiin!' after every answer..i kept a real lock and key wid me..of course..to 'lock the answer'
19.performing 'inhi logo ne le leena dupatta mera' for the birthday girl at 12 o' clock..
20.performin kajra re in front of whole college at physics fest...craziest thing is..2 of us decided to b amitabh and abhishek(me,amitabh of course)..at the last moment..hehe..and jumping in our frnd's performance..she was supposed to b doin a solo..but we made the whole college dance along...and managed laughs frm our teachers too
and above all
no drugs,no fags and no booze...some people think thats crazy too!!

who says girls cant hav some fun!!!
ooooh,i miss my college dayzzz..miss u nallu,mithu,pranki,nehooo,nattu di,maddy,kiran,the cool cats,garam masala gang,nautanki grouup,tashbir-e-raqs,deeps,our dance group,temptations ke burgers,36 k gardens,oven fresh(for seein us almost everyday),ccd(especially the book cafe)..the vendor that made us juice and gave free pineapple pieces to go along with...mini aunty,ISCON temple,rajiv and rinku(for takin care of all our photostats)...cyber cafe wale srdaar g(for lettin us work on the cmputer even past closin tym)...our teachers for believin in us...and being strict wen we underperformed too...college canteen,fruit shop,auditorium(where 1'st day i'd mentally pledged that i'll b on that stage one day..and i was..and i din let it go till it was tym for us to leave),the verka booth,cook bhaiya...the sports dayss..the youth festivals..the last copmuter practical...i no u wnt forget it too 'Upasna mam'...me n nallu's disney website..the cartoon making,the debate comptt,all the classmates..i miss it all...very very much..those were the best dayz of my life!!!!

I was a little romantic!!

wen i was a lil' girl,i used to watch my parents' weddin video for hours at stretch,or i wud leaf thru their pics...my mum alwayz used to dress me up as a bride,all in red,for fancy dress competitions,n i used to go on stage,shy and crimson,and forget all my lines..everymornin i woke up,n from d corner of my eye,watched mum gettin ready for office...d way she draped her saree,put on her make up,brushed her b'ful hair...i jus wished i cud be like her...stealthily,wen she wasn home,i'd put on her make-up,wrapped myself in a dupatta,wore her '2 big for my small feet' high heels n stood gazing at myself in the mirror..wishin to be beautiful...i alwayz had the picture of my prince charming in my head,poured in from d russian fairy tales i were so fond of readin,n like d VASILISA i knew dat i could cross d 'dus teeya tees n nau teeya sattaees places'2 just kiss him n make him remember dat he was mine...am all grown up now,and know dat reality is quite different from the childhood fantasies,but inside me...still lurkes dat little girl..who awaits dat special someone...with the taste of AMBROSIA...and i know dat inside everyone lies dat little part of them who wants them to believe dat life is not really a hell...so believe...n life will be beautiful!!!

My happening social life

Life is so busy and hectic these days that I don’t have time even to think less alone write…but when I do have tym,I think is this all I wanted??…busy bustling life with no tym to think of oneself…c’mon how many dayz hav passed by since I last saw the looks of a salon…I cant even remember …yeah yu can imagine the looks of me…but then what..i dun hv time…studying is a solitary process…I dunt see daylights often…mostly m asleep or studyin…its as if m visitin india…my bio clock is topsy turvy…I sleep at five in The morn and get up at one in the noon…my evenins are spent studyin and eating…my friends have forgotten the looks of me and I believe I’ve gained at least five kgs sinc last month…all I do is sleep and eat…its been years since I’ve taken a look at one decent friendly face ,talked to…and when I did see one I talked so much that the person thought im nuts!!!he actually had to force me back home…c’mon…should this happen!!!why oh why…. and to think of it I think m actually goin insane…to really go back in the society I even took up a birthday party invitation from a college friend…well,I knw its childish…but I needed to communicate to the outer world…so what ,if I din know any of her friends…I thought I’ll pull it off…I carefully dressed for the occasion…and can u believe it…she had the audacity to keep a luncheon in this sweltering heat…but still…not backing off I decided to go in and again be a social butterfly(if I ever was,even if I wasn’t ever ever,I was deff gonna b one now)…so juss imagine…enter me in the beautifully lit café..i saw a hoard of unfamiliar girls sitting as if in a mourning…can yu imagine no one was speaking to another…what happened to the gud ol’ days of chattering females??i wondered…so there was my cute friend who practically sat oceans apart from me the whole time…and I was seated with a gal with the fame of the ‘snob’ of the college who I think actually thought I was hitting on her or sumthing….maybe wondered if I were a lesbo,the kindaf luks she was givin me….ugggghhh!!!and lukin at my ever increasing size(to think I was as thin as a rake b’fore)..from oceans apart my friend asks me…”why don’t you order,I know yu’d love to” with a smug….of course there were other much larger beauties than me but I don no y I was rewarded with that opportunity….anyhow I managed to tell my preferences and asked the others too…so my social hangout turned out to be pizza cheese stickin in my teeth and me smiling broadly,maybe there was oregano and chilly flakes in there too…and the others gaping at me as I chattered away happily unaware,drinkin my cola and talkin nonsensical stuff…I was happy that I made them laugh,nw m not sure on what they were laughin…at my chitchat or my sinister smile!!!

Chalo at least I made them smile!!!yu can imagine what a disaster it was…and the irony…the cheese on my teeth and me describing them how I was selected as one of the beautiful girls of the college….oh goddd!!!!so so embarrassing…and I actually liked all of them…even the snob one who turned out to b really pretty and nice…I think I was so astonished that shes sweet, I showed it too much …so much so that she imagined me as something else….the last straw was when I was leavin she also stood up and said that she shoud b goin as well…and I commented…honey!it seems u liked me so much that u wana go away with me,just like a couple….hehehe…can u imagine the look on her face……she actually haltered …I know its cheesy but then she was behaving in a way that she had it comin on…I was gloating….my!!she would run if she ever saw me on streets…m a bad bad girl…but still it was the only fun part of the whole outing….and after that affair,I m never goin out even if someone drags me towards the door….m better off with buks…thay are so comforting,they neither laugh nor sneer at yu….people and me have an inverse relationship… I jusss looooove scarin them away…